I've eaten food all over the world. Hotdogs from street stalls in Manhattan, Vancouver, and Reykjavik; camel stew in Marrakech; fried pickles in the Santa Monica Hooters. I've eaten at three-hatted restaurants in London and Paris, eaten a personalised nine-course degustation by one of Sydney's best chefs of the last decade, and I'm not a bad cook myself. My deconstructed steak tartare is a source of quiet pride, and I will absolutely brag about how I can mix a martini.
But I have never eaten anything quite like... This:
This is a Horde-inspired burger, the brain-child of Sydney burger joint Burgers by Josh, as inspired by the upcoming Battle for Azeroth expansion for World of Warcraft (and, likely, a little helping hand from Blizzard ANZ who very likely had to explain to Josh what a 'horde' even is). Everything from the dyed bun to the sriracha maple bacon is made in the kitchen at the Annandale Hotel in Sydney (and about which I am NOT ALL FUCKING BITTER that it sits where the stage used to be when the Annandale was one of the city's key live music venues).
((NOT. AT. ALL.))
The star of the burger is a piece of Nashville fried chicken the size of your head, and friends, this thing nearly killed me. The pickled guindilla chilli horns were worth the price alone, and the rest was like a pile of hedonistic pleasure-drippings that made my tongue sing and yet still filled my belly with regret.
I managed five bites and was soundly defeated by this horrendous culinary achievement. I saw better eaters than me manage two... Because the Horder burger is not the only thing on the Annandale's limited menu, which kicks off this weekend.
There is, of course, the Alliance burger.
FUCK. ME. That's TWO massive patties of wagyu beef (look, I hate this trend too, don't @ me), more of that heart-attack bacon, American cheese, a goddamn hashbrown, and topped by what we all thought was a chicken nugget, but was in fact a surpise jalapeno popper.
At a single glance I put on five pounds, and I think if I tried to eat one my doctor would appear out of thin air and slap that shit right out of my fucking hand. It is a crime against the health of innocent Australians and as soon as I recover from that stupid Horde burger I am marching back into the Annandale and ordering the tastiest looking mistake I have ever seen.
If you hear news of my death, know that I died eating a truly dumb burger, and remember me.